INSTIGATORS: St. Trinian's; St. Trinian's II: The Legend of Fritton's Gold; Wild Child; Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging
SYMPTOMS: striped ties, pleated skirts, field hockey sticks, and attempts at mischievous pranking
DIAGNOSIS: British boarding brat disorder
DESIGNATED NAME: Josephine "Josie" Jones
SOUNDTRACK TO THE MADNESS: "St. Trinian's Theme"-Girls Aloud, "One Girl Revolution"-Superchick, "Oh My God"-Ida Maria, "What I Like About You"-Lillix, "I'm Not Your Toy"-La Roux, "That's Not My Name"-The Ting Tings, "Knock Em' Out"-Lily Allen

I think I more or less failed poor Josie Jones. Try as I might to capture that telltale twinkle of the eye and that saucy disregard for rules and order, I have spent far too much time living by the book to now begin a new chapter of the ol' life. With enough effort, I can certainly begin to look the part, but it is in a sort of sad hipster fashion wherein one collects vinyl, dons the lens-less Ray-Bans, and even creates some bad pretentious art, but beneath the perfectly composed exterior they cannot hide the fact that they still like to wake up at seven to jog and that their cupboard is secretly filled with Cheerios and protein shakes. I can don the ripped fishnets, the pleated skirts, and all the smoky eyeshadow ever produced by Sephora, but I will still color inside the lines, speak only when spoken to, and look both ways (twice) before crossing the street.


GOALS FOR JOSIE-Slander, sully, or sacrifice someone.