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8/28/2011 New British Boarding Brat Disorder

INSTIGATORS: St. Trinian's; St. Trinian's II: The Legend of Fritton's Gold; Wild Child; Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging
SYMPTOMS: striped ties, pleated skirts, field hockey sticks, and attempts at mischievous pranking
DIAGNOSIS: British boarding brat disorder
DESIGNATED NAME: Josephine "Josie" Jones
SOUNDTRACK TO THE MADNESS: "St. Trinian's Theme"-Girls Aloud, "One Girl Revolution"-Superchick, "Oh My God"-Ida Maria, "What I Like About You"-Lillix, "I'm Not Your Toy"-La Roux, "That's Not My Name"-The Ting Tings, "Knock Em' Out"-Lily Allen


All boarding school films capitalize on a type of societal perversion. Humankind loves seeing supposed innocents misbehave. For the same reason angel and nurse costumes continue to be a hit year after year, we enjoy watching these supposedly straight-laced youths corrupt themselves. There is, however, a few definitive differences between the period and the modern boarding school film. The appeal of the 1950s boarding school film is generated by its superhero factor: Chaucer and Latin verb conjugation by day and barefoot revelries and illicit rendezvouses by night. Today's boarding school films don't bother a pretense of studiousness or virtue, they operate purely on the blatant misconduct of those who we know should be purer. It is their snappy insolence and mischievous pranking that generates the allure.

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8/26/2011 Somersault: Not Imitation but Admiration

Heidi, a runaway teenager as portrayed by Abbie Cornish, certainly is not your typical style icon. Yet, I feel I have learned from her in the same way I have from Audrey Hepburn or Grace Kelly although the ways in which she is able to teach us differ greatly. Heidi possesses the kindness and innocence of a Disney princess and, simultaneously, an extremely powerful sexuality with which she has not yet quite come to terms. This gets her in trouble when she kisses her mother’s boyfriend, resulting in her self-imposed exile from the house. She heads to a mountain town and finds work in a local gas station and company in the local bar. At one point, upon being questioned about why she continues to bring strange men home, she answers simply that she does not want to be alone. Thus, a strange conflict in conduct is presented, childish impulses serving as the impetus for adult behavior.

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8/25/2011 Retro Schoolgirl Fervor

25 December 2010 (Christmas!)
INSTIGATORS: Mona Lisa Smile, School Ties, Dead Poet's Society, The Emperor's Club
SYMPTOMS: sinful quantities of red lipstick, vintage cardigans, hair ribbons, records, and attempts at coy fliratation
DIAGNOSIS: Retro schoolgirl fervor
Designated Name: Ms. Joan Brandon
SOUNDTRACK TO THE MADNESS: "Smokey Joe's Cafe"-The Coasters, "The Twist"-Hank Ballard, "Little Bitty Pretty One"-Thurston Harris and The Sharps, "Yakety Yak"-The Coasters, "Rockin' Robin"-Jackson 5


I have always been a sucker for the classic, fifties-era boarding school/college film. There is something immensely appealing about the pure wholesomeness and the good ol'fashioned values that go along with the land of rigid academia. I will admit however that the majority of the appeal does not seem to be generated by the few cursory minutes the students spend packed into the chapel for initiation or the few shots of them pouring over musty old schoolbooks. Rather, it is the hours full of close-ups of the gamine girls and roguish boys racing off with rosy cheeks, loosened ties, and bouncing curls to sneak in their evenings of rock n' roll and elicit cigarettes that keeps me coming back for more. 


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8/25/2011 The Deal/Diagnosis

The Fickle Femme: Confessions of My Multiple, Film-Inspired Personalities
I believe that the root of my problem can be identified in my childhood, beginning with my first year on this planet as the shy, introverted little squirm that I was, continuing all the way through my childhood and into my adolescence. I believe that much of my psychological instability can be attributed to a slight withering of the brain due to lack of exposure to the juvenile limelight. Even those who spent no time on the stage, the playing field, or the concert hall (and these children are few and far between) generally put on a show or two in the privacy of their own homes or at least did a few sing-a-longs with their friends. Yet I had absolutely none of this, too emotionally delicate to even spend time with children my own age, much less to ask them for their attention while I pranced and crooned and twirled. Instead, I spent much of my time hidden behind a book or a television screen, far more comfortable quietly reliving the fabulous adventures of others than chancing my own embarrassment in the real world. From there I contracted my disease, which has been designated the Latin name identicus anonymiticus. Lacking any discernible personality of my own, I took on the identities of my favorite film and book characters. As a young girl, I spent a good amount of time as Harriet (the Spy, not Tubman) and even more as Arriety Clock of The Borrowers. As I grew older and my taste diversified, I alternately tried out Holly Golightly, Susan Vance, Miranda Priestly, and even Danny Zuko (really my lifelong aspiration has been to be a greaser but for some reason or another that's really never quite worked out for me). As I've grown older and been exposed to more and more, my affliction has only become more severe (some films like American Beauty being quite dangerous for a person such as I). Thus, several of my therapists have suggested the documentation of my fluctuations on an online blog so as to externalize the infiltrators and attempt to connect with some personality of my own.


8/25/2011 DRUGGIE CHIC A LA

Lanky hair, a skeletal form, copious eye makeup: no, it's not someone too high to care, it's a fashion concept. In the past few years, we have seen some of our favorite celebrities seemingly reduced to shadows of their former selves. The cherubic Olsen twins, freckle-faced Lindsay, little J. Humphrey. My peers have been bemoaning the fall of their childhood favorites. I, however, have really enjoyed the new look. Maybe its an interior battle against my inclinations toward granola and bike riding? Just as President Clinton declaimed "Heroin Chic" in the 1990s, I too cannot support "glamorized addiction." Yet, I must say I find it exciting when people begin to transform, moving further from something that resembles human form. Take ballerinas for example: were our rib cages really ever meant to show? were we meant to stand on tiptoe? But there's something glamorous about it. I sort of feel the same way about coked-out celebrities. It's hard to get hair that stringy or legs that wiry. And I feel there's an eerie beauty about it.


-Cleo

8/17/2011 CINEMATORIALIST: SKINS--THE FASHION, THE BRILLIANCE

First and foremost, let me say that Skins is above and beyond my favorite television show ever made. It is incredibly smart but simultaneously extremely trashy (a prerequisite in all my tv viewing). The trashy part arises from the main characters all being teenagers, and the plot consequently revolving around their drugie, sexy, warped, adolescent lives. The intelligent part is that the characters do not conform to stereotypes: the metal heads fall for the ballerinas, the popular girls are lesbians. From a sartorial perspective, you can also see the complications in the characters' personality play out in the way they choose to dress themselves. The outfits they wear are not pure reincarnations of trends, but rather are interpretations of various styles that suit the characters' personalities. Each episode goes into more depth on the character, giving information on their habits and families, making it increasingly apparent why they look the way they do.

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